Writers' Ink at Caledon Public Library

The Real ‘Spirit’ of Christmas

Twas the days before Christmas when all through the house

Decorations were hanging, so I turned to my spouse

“I’ve hung all the stockings and boughs, with great glee

Now get off your arse, and find us a TREE!”

He soon nestled down with the bi-weekly flyers

But the price of those spruces! We’d never be buyers

So we uncorked some rum, some coke, and imbued

Hoping these spirits could inspire a good mood

 We poured, and we poured till thoughts got slurred

With so much RUMiniscing, our integrity blurred.

We remembered our neighbour had trees on his farm

Would taking just one?…would it do any harm?

Not that we’re cheapskates, but I ask, who pays

For a measly old tree we’d only use a few days?

“It’s pitch black, near midnight,” my husband then said,   

 While visions of ‘free’ spruces danced in his head

I sprang from the couch, and flew open the door

“Then let’s nab us a tree, don’t say any more”

Hubby with axe, and I in our 4 wheeler

Trucked down the road, and boy did we peel’er

To the neighbour’s field, to top of the bluff,

We climbed over the gate, slunk quiet enough

And there in field, a most magnificent sight

A tall glorious spruce,our yuletide delight

We dragged out that spruce, then roped it all down

I hollered out loudly, let’s head out of town

Then whispering words, I thought were a tease.

My hubby mumbled, “Hmm…did I drop the keys?”

Back through the fields, we searched by night star,

Til we ran out of options…we’d now need our car

We hitched up the 4-wheeler, then hit the gas

The car bucked once forward, then quit…alas…

It just stopped dead, jerked to a halt

A blown transmission, we guessed was the fault.

Then what to my wandering eye should appear

But a miniature tractor with our neighbour, I fear

I knew in a moment it was old Farmer Barr

We wanted to escape, but we couldn’t get far

We freaked and we panicked, then came to our senses

We’d untie the tree, throw it back over the fences

Swiftly, we set the tree up in the deep snow,

We stood it up straight, so he’d never know

When the old fella stopped, he eyed us up slow,

Till finally he muttered, “Can I give youse a tow?”

He pulled us all home, car and 4-wheelers

Not suspecting us as Christmas-tree-stealers

With a wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,

He said, “Good night folks, you best get to bed”


Next morning we awoke, hungover but glad

Our ruse undetected, our neighbor been had

We fooled the old geyser, though still no tree

We’d make other plans after morning coffee

And that’s when we saw it, a most magnificent sight

Our tall glorious spruce, our Yuletide delight

There, on our porch, with a note, no mistaking,

It said…’a gift given better than one that is taken

We’ve long since repaid him for our being so mindless,

We showered that farmer with neighbourly kindness 

We paid thousands of dollars for our broken-down car,

More than five times the price of a spruce tree by far

But the best present that year of our Xmas tree crisis

Was the Season’s true meaning a lesson so priceless

What that old farmer showed us, who’s no Aristotle,

Was that real Christmas Spirit doesn’t come in a bottle.

by Nancy Early

About Alton Chapter

The Alton Chapter of Writers' Ink meets the 1st Wednesday of the month from 6:30 to 8:30 pm at the Alton Branch.

One comment on “The Real ‘Spirit’ of Christmas

  1. Jill
    December 18, 2018

    You made my smile for the day. Thanks it was a great read

    Best wishes

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This entry was posted on December 18, 2018 by in Alton Chapter and tagged , , .

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